Fear is a funny thing. It's an emotion, and a base one at that. We have all faced it numerous times, and for numerous reasons. Dark corners, performance anxiety, close calls, and the unexpected all cause fear, albeit for far different reasons. We get scared of what someone else can do, what can happen out of our control, what can happen as the result of our control, and everything in between.
Perhaps the most critical part of fear though is the relative speed with which it can consume your entire mind. Happiness is fairly easy to predict; you know what brings you joy and (for the most part) it's somewhat planned. Sadness too, although it clearly has the propensity to spring on you, is at least somewhat foreseeable. But fear is different. Rational brains can go from friend to enemy in a heartbeat, and it's a slippery road once turned on to. Suddenly exploring all options becomes as much a hindrance as it is a boon.
I say all this because this is what I am feeling as I cross the Atlantic. It hit me, suddenly, at the end of my first inflight movie* as the cabin lights began to dim. Someone coughed and someone else moved quickly to the bathroom and all at once I thought: ihopehecoveredhismouthandiwonderwhatgotintohimandcausedhimtomovesoquicklytotthebathroomandohmygodidontkknowanyoneonthisplaneandwhatamidoinggoingtoafricaandshit.
But I am sure it will be fine.
*The movie I just had watched was Midnight in Paris, which I want to highly, highly recommend. Best Woody Allen movie in years, complete with some of the most beautiful still shots of Paris I have ever seen. Literary buffs will especially enjoy. It too is a bit soul-searchy, which clearly could have triggered the above nonsensical outburst, but it's a thoroughly entertaining hour and a half.
